


Better

by ChelBlue



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Gen, camera related intervention, light editing at most
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:02:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24891259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChelBlue/pseuds/ChelBlue
Summary: Alex hadn't meant to replace his friends with his camera, but things happen.
Kudos: 9





	Better

There is nothing pleasant about feeling like a stranger in your own mind. Alex had come to know this. Two months or so it had been, living with that thing, always just outside of his view, watching. He could feel its blank stare on his back. Sometimes it seemed judging. Others it seemed almost friendly. He wasn’t sure which made him feel more sick. He couldn’t recall why it had come to him. Or why it sometimes spoke to him in hushed whispers only he could hear. But he knew it couldn’t be real, it couldn’t. He was no fool.

Fool or not, it was his camera he grabbed before his keys, his toothbrush, his phone. Omnipresent and comforting in a way no thing else was anymore. Even to class he took it, strapped to his hand beneath the table. It was odd, he knew. He must look insane and maybe he was but it made him feel better. That’s what mattered, wasn’t it? That’s something that Brian had told him, once or twice when he expressed guilt about liking things - something he did often. If it was good for him and didn’t hurt anyone there was no harm in it. So he took his camera everywhere he went.

People noticed. He didn’t care. He felt like he should. Alex shut the door to the lecture hall behind him, grip tightening on his bag.

He stopped noticing the stares. He left it running during all student film related proceedings, movie nights, study groups. He didn’t care that it was odd. It was a matter of safety. They didn’t understand. No one confronted him.

Except for Brian. Brian Brian Brian. He who told him it was ok in the first place, though not in those words. Alex didn’t get it. It wasn’t a lot. Just a camera, sitting harmless while they hung out. He didn’t need to comment. It shouldn’t matter. It kept him safe. 

But Brian didn’t care, he mustn’t because he kept asking questions. What’s the footage for? Won’t you run out of tapes? This is kind of personal, isn’t it? Alex grit his teeth together. Wasn’t it obvious? Didn’t he know? He just wanted to go home, where he would be alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. 

He shut the door to his dorm with more force than was necessary and gently placed his camera down on the table, pointed towards him while he dug through his bag. He needed another tape. And he found one of the dozens he had stuffed in there quickly. His hands shook as he replaced the tape. Only a few seconds. He would be fine. He sighed. 

He continued to dig through his bag for work he’d need to complete by the end of the week. School did not stop when that thing started watching, unfortunately. He wished it had. He hefted several large textbooks on the table, nearly not hearing the knock on the door over the thud. Alex bit his lip. Not alone. He asked who was on the other side.

“It’s me, Brian.” Of course it was him. Who else of Alex’s few friends had such an affinity for dropping by unannounced? It wasn’t like he had other stuff to be doing. He took a breath and opened the door. There he was in his layered glory, smiling that stupid smile of his. Alex felt something in his chest tighten. 

“Is it alright for me to come in?” It’s not like Alex could turn him away, could he? Of course, he replies. He comes inside, standing idly by while Alex shuts the door behind him. He doesn’t go to sit down. 

“Hey, man, can we talk?” Brian’s got that look he has when he’s trying to help people, but this time tinged with something else. It’s not as comforting as it should be. 

“Sure.” Alex says. “Do you want something to drink?” Brian says yes, allowing Alex to busy himself with the drinks in his minifridge. 

“So, about...this camera thing, you’ve been doing,” Brian’s arms are pressed to the sides of his body, uncharacteristically stiff. The plastic bottle in Alex’s hand crinkles in his grasp. 

“What about it?” Stay calm, he tells himself. Why does it feel like an intervention? He’s not smoking, like that Tim guy, and he doesn’t drink. The camera isn’t hurting anyone. There doesn’t need to be an intervention. Why is Brian here?

“Why are you doing it?” Brian’s question is honest. He’s looking at Alex softly, pleading a bit. He wouldn’t like the answer. 

“It’s not really any of your business,” he replies. 

“Alex, I’m worried about you.” Brian says, and Alex can tell it’s just the start. “And I want to help. I can’t do that if you won’t tell me what’s going on.”

“Didn’t you hear me? It’s none of your business.” Alex has set the bottles of some neon drink on the counter already and moved to the table, where his fingers toy with the edges of his textbooks. They’re scratched.

“I want to help,” Brian says, taking a slight step forward but thinking better of it. 

“I said-” Alex starts, not intending to finish.

“I know, Alex, I know. Not any of my business.” Brian goes quiet, looking out the large window across the room for a second. His brows are knit together forming a complicated emotion. Alex can’t read it, and he doesn’t like it. 

“It’s okay to need help.” he says, turning back to Alex. He’s rolling the edge of his jacket between his fingers. He pauses again. “Tim- he deals with a similar kind of... paranoia, and he got help, and it got better. You’re not doing well, Alex. You look so tired, and we haven’t seen you in forever. We miss you.” Brian cracks out the pleading eyes again, big and beautiful. Alex jams the still sharp corner of his text book in to the palm of his hand. Brian takes in a breath.

“If you ever need someone, I’m here. I miss seeing you happy.” And with that Brian moves away from the wall and makes for the door. “Take care of yourself?” He asks, smiling again but weaker than when he came. Alex aches. Then he’s gone. 

Take care of yourself? Alex felt like he should scoff, but didn’t. He has a dent in his hand from the corner of his text book and he tastes blood. He bit his lip. He wants to be mad but he isn’t. He hand’t been spending time with friends, had he? He’d nearly forgotten he had any, with everything going on. It was hard to enjoy time with them anyway when he was constantly making sure the camera was rolling and it wasn’t there. 

He casts a glance at his camera, the red blinking light a hypnotic source of comfort. He tried to imagine turning it off and shuttered. He needed it. He needed it, or he would - something would happen. It would do something. He couldn’t imagine a world without the camera anymore.

You could get better, Brian’s voice echoes in Alex’s head. He’s still worrying his lip. Better? The word made something stir in him. Better. Maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> check out my mh tumblr @WhoAmITheThird !! lots of other writing there :)  
> i hope you enjoyed!


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